This photo was taken a few minutes after my HIV test result. To talk about her I need to tell you a few things first... When I came across the news - HIV POSITIVE REAGENT - I immediately thought - This will turn into a performance! Maybe like everything I do, it's based on these personal or collectively constructed repertoires that I always think about enhancing art.
I had almost no information about HIV/AIDS, I took the first test before the final diagnosis (It is very bad to put the final one, I will say 1st non-diagnosis), on September 5, 2017 – NEGATIVE REAGENT. But there was still something that hung in my head and intensified every day and it wasn't just the itches that appeared on my body all of a sudden, no spots, no traces and not even the week I was very sick like never before, it was all around You know? News stories about HIV and the rate of infected by the virus that doubled in Africa and people who died and all that old vision of AIDS and the lethal virus jumped from the television, not to mention the known – Did you see so-and-so? You have AIDS! (they spoke with their mouths full of teeth) Yes, in 2017 they were still using AIDS and I was also using it, it was always the process of disinformation, it was not talked about in schools, it was not talked about at home and it was not allowed to talk, they continued... - She was a whore too! Did everything. I doubt I used a condom! You know, I doubt anyone uses a condom! Or rather that someone never stopped using a condom! It's good on the skin, the skin's warm on the skin. That jet of cum up your ass.
Well... My mother, one day told me that she had seen a couple of boys at the door of an office, they were both crying a lot and the mother of one of them who was there hugged them and said that everything would be fine. Márcia (my mother) used to say that, raised to me from the salt water of those little eyes that watched me grow. I always liked to observe a lot and what I observed the most was my body and at that time it was not as it always was, there was something of whatever.... Something is coming and I somehow felt it. I'm very connected to myths and it's strange to use words like that, but I'm very much, already being initiated since before I was born - ORION - in honor of my paternal grandfather, indigenous, warrior, hunter, ahh, I was born on 10/24/1994 (Predestined, right? I know) I was born to be a faggot and the scorpion sign, a cosmic curiosity. In one of the many mythological versions, Orion, the hunter and very “friend” of Artemis, was jealous of Apollo, brother of the Goddess, for being a better hunter than him (and that's right, I hunt boys like no one), and Apollo releases a giant scorpion to kill him, Orion flees through the waters, he is Poseidon's son so he knew how to walk through them (Almost a Jesus Christ right?), in short Apollo bets with Artemis that she would not be so good at aiming and would hit the dot in the sea, that in the case it was Orion, Artemis shoots towards the dot and hits Orion's skull and then cries the pitanga to Zeus and begs him to turn him into a star.
That's why the constellation Orion appears as if it were going to kill the scorpion right in front of you, which in turn appears to be chasing it. It's very scary to think that there was a campaign on HIV/AIDS in 2004 by a French NGO where a man appeared having sex with a scorpion, and the animal had its stingers ready to give that hard cock (laughs) In addition to the phrase “without a condom you is sleeping with AIDS" This campaign was quite unnecessary, let's agree, right? One day I get into all her problems, we'll go back to the point where she used to say that something strange was happening to my body. I've always been very sexual, I even took 8 years as a psychologist as a child, so I had sex at the age of 13, at school, on the bus, in the bathroom, in the theater dressing room, at home, with people I know and some I've never even seen in my life. . A month before the 1st non-diagnostic test, I was seeing a boy that I had fallen in love with a lot, he came and lived at home and we were already talking about marriage, well this story will be long so I'll skip this boy part too. I went to live in the capital (São Paulo) on September 5, 2017, still with the unbearable itching all over my body, but I had the 1st undiagnosed, at the time I was staying with a friend J. who I now consider as my little sister. old. I told him about the results and he said he thought it was better to repeat the tests and that I would do the blood tests and not just the quick test. I didn't know about the immunological window, which can take 30 days or so for HIV to manifest in the body, so the next day was the turning point! Day, September 6, 2017 - THE POSITIVE REAGENTS FOR HIV, TÃM DÃM
I was super good to do the collection for the exams, I was unconcerned, I was sure it would be anything but HIV. I was attended and collected the blood and waited for the result. In this waiting room there were 3 women, all around 35 – 40 years old, a super smiling boy came out of the doctor's room and left, soon after one of the women enters, and in a few minutes I hear a cry from inside the room. I thought – Ihh I think it's AIDS! I already said that I didn't know the difference between HIV/AIDS, right? This I thought again: - Caracas looks at a research opportunity! PERFORMANCE!! PERFORMANCE!! hahahaha It made me want to write what it would be like if I were tested positive for HIV, I looked at the room, the other two girls with an anxiety that was clear, I thought... What are the stories of these women? Why are they here? Isn't it just fagots who have HIV? I noticed that the floor of the waiting room was in shades of green and the partition was green and so was the painting and the tube television and the upholstery of the chairs the bottle of green coffee the coffee table with green Formica the tablecloth and the one of the women's shoes and two green booklets, everything was fucking green including the polo shirt I was wearing (cheesy) was green, so I wrote this text: Green six walls. One of those old tubes, making a deal with the color. Blood pact. Green was green. All green Hera. Moss green blood. Musty. I molded. I didn't have time to finish or think about anything else, I heard my name called, I confess that then I froze. I went into the tiny room with two chairs facing each other with the table between them, the Doctor was already seated and a young girl who had followed the collection downstairs stood up, the Doctor says: - So-and-so will stay here, because she is new, so we are showing how the processes work. It was all arranged, and I had no idea of anything. I sat with my back to the door and facing the Doctor, this so-and-so was right behind me and locked the door. - Then Orion let's go! We have your exams here for some STI'S and HIV, right? - That! I was already blue with butterflies in my stomach. - Look, it gave negative reagent for syphilis, so I don't know what else... - Wow, doctor... I was already taking my cell phone from the table to leave, it wasn't HIV I had been tested a day before, right!! - And he tested positive for HIV.
that was my head processing the information - What? Yesterday it was negative! I desperately took the sheet of paper with the result of the Doctor's hand and I broke down crying, on the same impulse I got up to leave and Fulana took me by my shoulders and sat me in the chair, I threw the sheet on the table, and the crying only increased and I remember saying things like: - I don't know why I'm crying. - What? - This is wrong! - Yesterday, doctor! Yesterday I took it! - What? - No, it's not impossible! And I was in this endless looping of conversations with my own head, and the two of them talking to me about treatments, about undetectable, about whatever, I just wanted to get out of there, I realized that the more I despaired, the more they would hold me there. So the actor joined the game! I started to soothe the outside of my skin, dry my face and look closely at the Doctor's lips with her green lipstick, playfully, with her red lipstick worn by the coffee cup. I heard absolutely nothing, nothing at all.
Oijuoisyihuu8y76rtfgqlhwjds~po86tigkldks~0´0p9o8t7gyledsnjÇhçug - Where do I have to go? She gives me a paper with some places to start the treatment. In this I continue as if nothing had happened, I pick up my cell phone and pretend to call my mother: - Hi mom, it's okay, so can you come pick me up? It's better to speak in person, no mother is nothing it's just Herpes. Imagine the faces of the two of them to me, doing that whole scene. I'm sure they were getting everything, one was looking at the other like - Look at this close-up Marileide - Guys, this boy is a good actor, right? - I think I'll invite him to wear a big head at my son's birthday party! And I continued the scene, so-and-so offered me coffee and I drank it and said I would go to the bathroom. I put the cell phone to wake up in 5 minutes, and went back to the living room. The Doctor was already talking about a trip she had taken and blah blah blah and I was looking carefully at the paper – HIV POSITIVE REAGENT – 3... 2... 1... RINGED. Finally - Hi mom I'm coming down. I left, went through the green room, went down the stairs, gave the receptionist a bye, crossed the street, went to the stall, asked for 2 packs of cigarettes, opened one of them, looked for the lighter, there was none. - Young man, give me this green, please! The little one! I paid, took a cigarette and put it in my mouth and when I went to light up! Maysa started to sing….
- My world fell apart and made me look like this...... The cars passing by, the busy center, construction noise, and I was static there smoking a cigarette and seeing that world at a super reduced speed. Everything had another color, new sounds. I saw a group of girls taking pictures of the surrounding buildings and then I thought "This is going to turn into a performance!" - Lady can you take a picture of me? I said in tears, reckless and with my thoughts so far away. Then I discovered her name Beatriz as one of my sisters. She looked at me with a ???
- Girl, I just found out I'm AIDETIC! Shame on people, right! In 2017 I, who had already gone to college, still talked some nonsense like that, today I look at that day and I think... it could have been different, right? Imagine if there was information in the schools, in the newspapers, if the church had taken a hold on her asshole wave, if the state had taken a step in the game, but that's what I said. She looked at me and gave me a strong hug, which I just received and maybe I didn't return and took this GREEN photo.
The photos are posted here unedited and as I received from this girl on Facebook (Beatriz Zupo - I didn't have the opportunity to thank you personally, I hope to meet you some day and give you that hug back, thank you)